It's been forever. I'm submerged under crap British TV and incessant busyness. I have a job now, well actually two and a bit, but I haven't started any of them so I'm still super-broke, but very busy. After next week I'll be abundant in time and peace of mind. I'm also dead excited about university, but I find myself wanting to get everything in, doing everything having multiple picnics and parties (STILL haven't been out clubbing yet! I'm feeling very uncool), meeting and kissing new people and makng memories with my old people because I want to have something I can pinpoint and say "Yes, this is my turning point, this is where everything was gorgeous and the future stretched out incomprehensibly like the deep blue Pacific, in this hot British summer where I turned 18 and started the last phase of My Plans".
By Plans I mean the Plans I made when I was a kid and imagined that my life stretched out like a giant blue lake that didn't have any meaning after I finished uni. Everyone told me I was going to Uni. Even then as a kid I could sniff out the imperceptible "Or else!" I would do something amazing, probably write the Great Black-British Novel even my Dad could read and then support my family for the rest of my life, all the while finding my Prince, someone who would love me and let me look after them without questioning me or my integrity in this amazing Central London flat near some place with an Alfresco diner or those cute places I saw in American TV.
As a child I still wanted to get away. My Dad recalls a day when I was about six years old, and Dad came to pick me up from school and found that I wasn't there. Panicking he began driving around, until he saw me at the bus stop looking at bus times. I think I was trying to run away to this super gorgeous flat where I could read books all day long and doodle on the walls. I remember as a slimmish (ha!) seven year old, spending the afternoon placing my dear possessions into a cardboard box, addressing the box to "Hollywood, USA", dressing up into my swimming costume and climbing into the box, hoping that my brother would take me to the post office who would realise their mistake and send me to a rich lady. It never happened. I still dream of those days, when I was so innocent that I didn't realise I was innocent.
And now My Plans are about to be realised. After university I won't have a clue. I really won't. I'll come out of my graduation ceremony (my brother had his on Tuesday! I would be even more exceptionally happy for him, except it looks like he's going to stick to shop work for the rest of his life...) looking library dazed and terrified. I don't care that everyone still thinks I'm going to amazing things, stop! I don't know what these amazing things are going to be! What are supposedly amazing things! All I can do is write and argue for myself. And love people. This maddening, innate ability to love.
Right now I'm missing my friend bloggers - DM, Lioness (darling, my darling who's having a shitty time), Unfurled who I know reads it from time to time - how are you???, Gorgeous LJ girl who reads White Horses - I want to hear from you! I want to hear from you all, because it's really lonely on the internet and thats why I'm hardly here...
Now, I'm off to amend my profile, which I'm sure will release more introspection. And I'll tell you more about the picnics, I shall :)
Friday, July 28, 2006
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Summer is Here
Hi...I know I haven't posted, but I have nothing much to say. Days pass by and I'm getting by quite well. I'm starting to learn Icelandic again. I'm starting a new journalism project. I'm on prozac and have no appetite which has made me ecstatic, but now I'm eating more than usual, which is just cruel really. Do depressed people ever lose weight? I don't know if the happy pills are working or if its me, but I'm feeling good, I really am, honestly. I hope to write a funnier post soon and saying hello to everyone. Anyways, this a post from myspace (I said I'd never join...I was coerced, honestly! :) detailing the 1st weekend in July, super heatwave (30-32 degrees C) and super festival. Enjoy!
Heyo,
Had the MOST fantastic time! On friday I was battling headaches and quickly making plans. And on Saturday morning I was packing my rucksack as quick as ever (I'm notoriously bad: I'm sure it's a Jamaican thing lol - this time, I only packed two books) and I'm jumping onto the 90 bus to get to Ria's place to meet with her and her boyf, Darren to make our way to Hyde Park and and HPC. I was surprised it didn't sell as much as it should or was talked about as much as it should be.
Anyhoo, we made it in scorching heat and we were sweating already lol. Anyhoo, Darren made it off to the big screen for the ill-fated England match against Portugal. Me and Ria danced about to our pleasure. First person on was poor Chris Difford (from Squeeze) who was the pre-pre warm up for the match, but he was fun and pleasant, as well as Breaks-Co op who I can't remember (sorry!). Then on came Starsailor who were fantastic - the lead singers voice is just as brilliant live as it is on record and played my favourites - Alcoholic, Good Souls...it was very blissful, esp. being with Ria cos she's mad(der) as me.
Then, Texas came on with the orgasmic Sharleen Spiteri who kicked off with "I Don't Want a Lover" - I know some people think Texas are crap but they are fantastic live and fill you with zing. She then played one of my favourite songs of all time "Halo" and then "Getaway" - it was this point people were starting to turn away as the England match was going on and no one had scored yet, or Rooney had been sent off, we weren't sure - just kept texts from Sarah (Ri's sister) going "NOOOOOO" hahaha.
Poor Sharleen - at one point she just went "Oh, am I distracting ya?" And since things were getting tense (penalties had started) she played a piano song. She has a fantastic voice, but I don't even remember the name of the song cos everyone was so tense - classic. And then we lost, wooooo hooo. Peace...everyone else was down though.
Then the main attraction came - thankfully we were surrounded by really nice people including this 13 year old boy who was subjected to Darren's "meat on a stick" jokes to Ria. Such a lovely perv, haha. Anyhoo, Roger Waters came on who was, oh, wonderful. I even enjoyed his new songs (Bush-bashing)! I had never heard the whole of The Dark Side of the Moon so I really enjoyed it - so psychadelic, and so many people were off their heads on whatever, having giant spliffs etc - funny to watch. My highlight was definitely "Great Gig in the Sky", the singer was amazing to be able to that LIVE and she was crying and it was so beautiful...oh! Ria loved it too.
Second day: I think it was started brillaintly by the Rosehill Drive people who were rockin'. Problem was it a total scorcher - must have been plus 32 degrees and we were sweaty and gross. We stayed at Darrens and his mum who is v.v.v.v.v. cool and hilarious, played 20 questions. We also went around in his red Mayfair Mini, one of the coolest cars ever. It was so small and had no suspension and made you appreciate modern cars. But it made you feel young. It was also hilarious to have my boobs moving about in the car (can't believe I just said that!) singing along to that christmas song Fairytale of New (You maggot, you cheap lousy, thank god its christmas I hope its our last) on a hot summers day in a mini :)
Ocean Colour Scene were fun and rousing (not as fun as watching die-hard fans have their own stationary orgasms). Then the Zutons came on who are always fabulous live, my song was Valerie but they didn't play Pressure Point! At this point people started throwing bottles, god knows what cos we were quite near the stage. By the time Razorlight finished I was covered in everything - wine lager...they were amazing. I saw them in Live 8 and was glad to have more of them.They played new and old songs, included "Don't go back to Dalston!" which made me think of Richard, and Stumble and Fall which had me mosh/dancing, and their new stuff too was very gorgeous. I have to see them again and make sure they play Leave me Alone and Up All Night....
The Who came on eventually after the cameramen were pelted with bottles after giving the crowd the finger (more bottles of god knows), but they came and rocked immediately, playing my favourite - The Seeker pretty quickly, then it was Behind Blue Eyes, some new stuff, Teenage Wasteland!, My Generation, Won't Get Fooled Again...they rocked out for what seemed like hours, I thought I'd never stop dancing.
The crowd was packed, and our "territory" (blanket) was destroyed, but me and Ria did end up shimmying with this old guy....good times, good times. We went to a pub after it ended with some of Darren's parents friends, who got pretty heated when the bar staff tried to kick us out- closing time. Ie: "I'm not being rude of nuffink, but do yourself a favour and fuck off" sort of talk and telling them call the police - for a second I thought we would have had to leg it! But we got out in the end.
Darren was a darling and drove me home. I think we're goodie friends now. It was about 1am and I was exhausted and felt very rock and roll - my (new colour) hair and clothes were covered in wine, beer/lager, water, spit, spliff and cigarette smoke, fart, hay and god knows what else - but I felt fantastic, and will definitely be going to more fests in future for sure! It's late, so I'd best be off to bed. Am exhausted...
Heyo,
Had the MOST fantastic time! On friday I was battling headaches and quickly making plans. And on Saturday morning I was packing my rucksack as quick as ever (I'm notoriously bad: I'm sure it's a Jamaican thing lol - this time, I only packed two books) and I'm jumping onto the 90 bus to get to Ria's place to meet with her and her boyf, Darren to make our way to Hyde Park and and HPC. I was surprised it didn't sell as much as it should or was talked about as much as it should be.
Anyhoo, we made it in scorching heat and we were sweating already lol. Anyhoo, Darren made it off to the big screen for the ill-fated England match against Portugal. Me and Ria danced about to our pleasure. First person on was poor Chris Difford (from Squeeze) who was the pre-pre warm up for the match, but he was fun and pleasant, as well as Breaks-Co op who I can't remember (sorry!). Then on came Starsailor who were fantastic - the lead singers voice is just as brilliant live as it is on record and played my favourites - Alcoholic, Good Souls...it was very blissful, esp. being with Ria cos she's mad(der) as me.
Then, Texas came on with the orgasmic Sharleen Spiteri who kicked off with "I Don't Want a Lover" - I know some people think Texas are crap but they are fantastic live and fill you with zing. She then played one of my favourite songs of all time "Halo" and then "Getaway" - it was this point people were starting to turn away as the England match was going on and no one had scored yet, or Rooney had been sent off, we weren't sure - just kept texts from Sarah (Ri's sister) going "NOOOOOO" hahaha.
Poor Sharleen - at one point she just went "Oh, am I distracting ya?" And since things were getting tense (penalties had started) she played a piano song. She has a fantastic voice, but I don't even remember the name of the song cos everyone was so tense - classic. And then we lost, wooooo hooo. Peace...everyone else was down though.
Then the main attraction came - thankfully we were surrounded by really nice people including this 13 year old boy who was subjected to Darren's "meat on a stick" jokes to Ria. Such a lovely perv, haha. Anyhoo, Roger Waters came on who was, oh, wonderful. I even enjoyed his new songs (Bush-bashing)! I had never heard the whole of The Dark Side of the Moon so I really enjoyed it - so psychadelic, and so many people were off their heads on whatever, having giant spliffs etc - funny to watch. My highlight was definitely "Great Gig in the Sky", the singer was amazing to be able to that LIVE and she was crying and it was so beautiful...oh! Ria loved it too.
Second day: I think it was started brillaintly by the Rosehill Drive people who were rockin'. Problem was it a total scorcher - must have been plus 32 degrees and we were sweaty and gross. We stayed at Darrens and his mum who is v.v.v.v.v. cool and hilarious, played 20 questions. We also went around in his red Mayfair Mini, one of the coolest cars ever. It was so small and had no suspension and made you appreciate modern cars. But it made you feel young. It was also hilarious to have my boobs moving about in the car (can't believe I just said that!) singing along to that christmas song Fairytale of New (You maggot, you cheap lousy, thank god its christmas I hope its our last) on a hot summers day in a mini :)
Ocean Colour Scene were fun and rousing (not as fun as watching die-hard fans have their own stationary orgasms). Then the Zutons came on who are always fabulous live, my song was Valerie but they didn't play Pressure Point! At this point people started throwing bottles, god knows what cos we were quite near the stage. By the time Razorlight finished I was covered in everything - wine lager...they were amazing. I saw them in Live 8 and was glad to have more of them.They played new and old songs, included "Don't go back to Dalston!" which made me think of Richard, and Stumble and Fall which had me mosh/dancing, and their new stuff too was very gorgeous. I have to see them again and make sure they play Leave me Alone and Up All Night....
The Who came on eventually after the cameramen were pelted with bottles after giving the crowd the finger (more bottles of god knows), but they came and rocked immediately, playing my favourite - The Seeker pretty quickly, then it was Behind Blue Eyes, some new stuff, Teenage Wasteland!, My Generation, Won't Get Fooled Again...they rocked out for what seemed like hours, I thought I'd never stop dancing.
The crowd was packed, and our "territory" (blanket) was destroyed, but me and Ria did end up shimmying with this old guy....good times, good times. We went to a pub after it ended with some of Darren's parents friends, who got pretty heated when the bar staff tried to kick us out- closing time. Ie: "I'm not being rude of nuffink, but do yourself a favour and fuck off" sort of talk and telling them call the police - for a second I thought we would have had to leg it! But we got out in the end.
Darren was a darling and drove me home. I think we're goodie friends now. It was about 1am and I was exhausted and felt very rock and roll - my (new colour) hair and clothes were covered in wine, beer/lager, water, spit, spliff and cigarette smoke, fart, hay and god knows what else - but I felt fantastic, and will definitely be going to more fests in future for sure! It's late, so I'd best be off to bed. Am exhausted...
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