Main words in my vocab at the moment...
I'll keep this short:
I'm making good friends with Richard and Clare. He actually texted me on weds to check that I got home alright from Children's Express (Kings Cross), and he said why my petri dish crap of dialogue was good. I really want to hug him but he might freak out!
The Training (which I will tell you alll about tomorrow) which is taking over my life. This is the first time I've been on the net properly since last week.
And...I saw my cocksucking (ahem) arse of a doctor and he recommended psychotherapy. After telling him I don't want drugs, he says my mind is too addled to be all objective (in his doctor speak way). But...after 12 cuts (?!!!!!!!) in one week and the gradual losing of my mind, that I see my depression lasting forever and I can't stop thinking about death, is this the best way?! I'm starting the Oxford application process in March and I need to be perfect (yes, perfect)
Now, I must go. Qi beckons. Should I take the drugs or non?
About Me
- Serialangel
- London/Manchester, England, United Kingdom
- I AM 18 I am black, atheist, depressed and erm, lesbianic with an inherent fear of boredom. I can do anything, right? I know that I'm smart, funny, "pretty", a calming influence. Yet I'm full of so many fuck-ups its hard to believe that sometimes. I'm a true bibliophile, :) My feelings on the future changes every day - fear, w00tness, confusion, blank Sometimes I'm in recovery, sometimes I'm actively trying to destroy myself and no one can stop me... My life is just one long story, like everyone else's. I live with my Dad and my brother, but I'm rainy strange old Manchester where, just maybe, my real life will begin. Oh, and I'm gifted. Apparently. I don't know. That doesn't sit well with me. Read this blog and find out why.
3 comments:
Go w the meds, stick w them for a while to give them a chance to work, you've tried it your way, doesn't seem to be working so well, do what the nice Dr. says for a while. Seriously.
I'm with The Lioness here. I keep telling myself I don't need the meds & I can deal with the depression and then I can feel it sneaking up on me & the whole you're so worthless thing starts happening again.
I don't like that feeling. I'm tired of looking down from the 26th floor and thinking about jumping.
If you've never tried medication, you don't know if it'll work or not. Give it a shot. The worst thing that could happen is that it doesn't work & you have to try something else.
Believe me, the meds are easier than having to explain to a stranger what's wrong when you don't even know yourself.
Well, I've decided to save myself a row with the doctor and "go with the flow" (shudder) and see the psychotherapist. What my counsellor told me which my doctor didn't was that he was going to ask me questions and simply diagnose me first. That I won't get some drug happy zombie cos I'm under 18. He might not even give me drugs. He won't tell my parents unless he somehow manages to persuade me which just ain't gonna happen, no worries there...and from my counsellor's intelligence and your comments, I'm going to go and see him, whenever the doctor makes the appointment.
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