Benefits

Hmm, although this week has been a little bit crap I believe I will benefit from this. It's the only way to go.
To tell you the truth, monday and tuesday aren't that important - mainly since I don't remember them. I was sole task was to finish my big courswork paper on the Female suffrage for a third of my final AS grade. I got very distracted. For one thing, my left knee fucked up, but not as bad as my friend Richard - he ground his cartilige and to get to Politics he has to climb 6 flights of stairs. It's draining his energy like a Lean Mean Fat Reducing Grilling Machine. And my leg? Well, i can't twist it round and it hurts to lie down, sit still, and walk and I haven't considered running just yet. My doctor blamed in on my fattyness. Nice. Oh, and she blamed my period problems on that too (the issue that I haven't had any since december - I swear you can become infertile after a while?) I left, walked - well, limped up and down my road, crying like a fat baby. It's strange because everyone says I look thinner, but I knew I was fatter. There's the proof. So...I spent that Thursday cancelling lessons and Oxford appointments, so I could try to work and cry now and then. How sad. In the end I gave up and tried to sleep with Doves playing, my eternal source of comfort. I called Ria and made her cry...then I had to limp round college trying to buy printer units from my cheapskate college. Now my coursework is done, and it's just along sprint of practice essays from all sides until exam season May 19th - June 8th.

Where's the benefit? I still 'disciplined' myself, worse than ever. I cried stupidly like a leaky boat in the pacific. Well, I wrote a poem for the first time in a couple of months, I texted Richard a very watered down version of my feelings, so now he knows just that little bit extra about me. I don't feel so alone anymore. I feel as if there's things I can do, as if there are answers for me from great beyond that would-be-heaven. Despite everything, I feel so much stronger. And from that strength, i will fight my salesmen. I will stop displining myself. I will get back into the daylight. I will ignore, and spurn my salesmen. I will i will i will.