Thursday, April 28, 2005

Stumble and Fall

I should have realised this so, so long ago. Razorlight alleviates depression. I had remembered it when I was bopping along to Stacie Orrico (I'm NOT ashamed. She has a good voice.) or imaginary Blondie. Anyways, just now I was gorging on Waiter Rant and Stumble and Fall came on my computer. I just had to boogie. While lost in this boogying, the injustices of the day came back to me.

It's been dull at college. Everybody's muscles ache from the monumental pull of the Higher Education fair. Your arm aches, you suddenly have no idea of where you want to go in life and everyone assumes you're going to Wales or Manchester because they do politics. Huh. And, I had the new Diva out and I just wanted to read it. But, after getting a C in my Iliad mock exam (about half way through I had stopped caring and I haven't looked back since), and sharing pens in Politics, we discussed books that had pinpointed very important parts of my life. People were off spouting 1984 and Anna Karenna an old french dramas they read when they were 14 and how it changed them from Neo-Conservatism to Utilitarianism, neither of which I'm fully assured of their meaning. I mean, where was the giddiness, the blushing, the blind faith and hyberbolic intensity when you opened the page, read the first line and everything was right for you, and read and read, through the night in your bed when you really needed sleep, through your exams, behind the sunset on the bus/train home and you had this blind God-crushing faith that this was the best book you could ever read, and if there was a better book you don't want to read it cos, well, it's your favourite book and who wants to upstage that? They had defined their favourite books in such a standard stature. It felt so...academic. But then it was a voluntary advanced english course. We were supposed to know advanced grammar, and like their ellipses (the three dot gap ... I learnt that one recently) and so on. And they didn't even seem that excited, apart from this really nice, well-spoken lass (she's nice to chat to on the train) who read this book about the unfair justice system, and she seemed a little passionate about that.

My favourites? Well, there's Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli - that book introduced me to this impossible yet lovable character, and I felt ashamed for knowing I was part of the high school that shunned her for her betrayal, as compassionate that betrayal was. When I reading it for the first time, I could feel my eyes lighting up. I dreamed of that book. It seemed like hell. And it made me realise I needed to act myself, for my-self is - was? - a different body to the education I was growing acclimatised too. Okay, it made me feel like I should be different, or at least myself, and I figured I was different. And, it got me closer to Ria, my best friend through mutual love and estranged circumstances. I think it was aa decent summer. I force myself to see it that way. Other books? His Dark Materials by Philip Pullman springs to mind...I've got to go. But please, people dance like you don't care and read more often. Change your life a little.

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