Before I slip back into the murky world of studying, exams and stupid coursework projects, I’ll tell you about my last couple of days.
The day before I must have talked to everyone. This included creepy bus drivers “You look exhausted…like you could with a massage.” Funny in the morning when you’re barely awake but strange otherwise. I also talked to a teenage evangelist who cornered me on the way to church (library). When she asked why I didn’t believe in God I had completely forgotten and I couldn’t think of any reasons, which nonplussed me and made her think she had a chance at seduction of God. And this other guy got sucked into it as well. He was a cutie and I think he was interested, but there was nothing I could do about that…when did I become attractive to the OPPOSITE sex? Where are all the ladies? And so I worked and worked and worked. I’ve become a Cultural Revolution bore; it’s all I think about. It is really interesting after all how a few people managed to manufacture a revolution and try to pull a wronski feint on their own party, and using the youth to do so by making them in charge and giving them basic, vague instructions to allow them to run riot without responsibility being firmly in their hands. The whole exam basically writing out your assignment notes next Wednesday in four hours and I’ve got a mixture of panic and eagerness spurring me on. I’ve almost completed my practice essay draft thing, which is good. But now just exhausted. I was typing straight for 90 minutes yesterday after my Politics exam where I wrote 14 sides of A4 in two and a half hours. And then today I wrote another 750 words in 40 minutes, had 5 hours sleep and I still got DJ practice today – if I don’t go know I’ll be missing it for the next two weeks and I’d be way behind.
I’m also doing some stuff for my gay youth club’s new website – I’ve got an art review, my coming out story and some poems. As I was writing my Coming Out story I found that far from being a “higher experience” it’s actually pretty boring on paper. I guess it’s because since I came out I’ve missed three Pride events in a row and I still haven’t been out clubbing yet, making me a proper baby dyke, but that’s to change this summer. I’ve asserted that I will get a job – it’ll be like once, twice a week and if I arrange some journalist experience then I can always take some time off. It’s just that since I’m practically emotionally independent from Dad I still rely on him financially and I want that to change. This whole university thing is stressing me out too. Before it was completely overwhelming and I just wanted to end it all; I’ve started to gain some perspective, which is making things easier for me and that is always a good thing frankly. I’ve been very hungry at times and very thirsty too which worries me because Ria’s boyfriend has been diagnosed with diabetes and is in hospital with a majorly high sugar count (65 when he entered, now down to 22. It’s supposed to be 5.) So I’m just a little more aware. The obscene amounts of chocolate can’t have helped either.
It’s also been a different week because of all the death. The mudslide in the Philippines, for one thing. And then I’ve heard about the Hurricane Katrina tour bus. I don’t care how they justify it – they only give 10% of profit to the victims! And so many of them are stranded in caravans and so many of the people there have left there forever. The Bush Administration might as well leave the wreckage be. Keep making money out of misery; you’re so good at it. You can call it the Permanent Disaster and make it snazzy. Maybe other natural disasters can join in too.
And on sea level where I am, there’s been some deaths as well. My Mum came down last week and we watched some DVDs, then to remark about how her Dad died a few years ago. I’m not I ever met him. I must have, but I can’t remember his face…it just shocked for a few seconds that’s all. And then on the phone to an ailing Ric (sceptic knee and life in general; but he can’t walk now) he told me his ex-girlfriend’s close friend died suddenly. I bumped into her in the library the next day. She looked distraught. It turns out he had some heart condition, and at this party they were at his right ventricle collapsed and he just fell and died. She was ok because had this amazing night with him when they just talked all night about everything for hours. He had his organs donated to medicine and his faulty heart donated to science. She’s still very distraught. She and his classmates went out for a night of drinking and ended up on Richmond high street crying on a bench. A homeless guy offered her food. It makes you wonder how bad things are these days, how “grieveful” you can be. I think I’m getting the hang of consoling people with their death, even though I’ve been so lucky so far. I mean, my Dad could have a heart attack in his sleep at 8 in the morning just before he’s supposed to go to work (happened to Ria’s friend…it’s always a friend of a friend.). I guess the truth is that I’m starting to get worried now about whose next to die, or fall apart around me. But there’s nothing I can do about that, is there? Except practice.
Now I am home at last after my last DJ lesson for 6 weeksL because my teacher is going off to some assignment in Suburbia. So now it’s time for me to look into buying my own tunes, take up practicing once a week and rock out, basically. Thing is, I have to find my favourite type of music – I’m into motown, and vocal stuff that builds up, has drums and bass…so that’s what I’ll be looking for. Hmm. Anyone recommend any ‘choons?
