Being extremely single, and with all of my friends taken this day is not going to be absolutely brilliant. But then, this happened: my brother called me into his room with a serious look on his face because he's been dating his girl (she's lovely) for 6 months and wanted ideas (it's pretty straightforward: Good chocolate, dozen red roses, or precious jewelry as it's their first V. Day.) So then, he offered me money to kick me out of the house. I got £15...which is ok because at least I'm getting money out of being single and it'll be a great anecdote when I see my friends on Thursday, yet this is also pathetic because I planned to gorge on chocolate all day and continue with my assignment which is scaring me more and more (again I plead: Does anyone know ANYTHING about the Chinese Cultural Revolution???) and I couldn't concentrate yesterday because on Sunday night I was bouncing off the walls and cut myself really badly. My Dad has taken the alcohol out of the house and locked it away in the shed, and is planning to do the same with the medication, thanks to my psych's recommendations. She's also thinking of giving me some medication. Yay! Because I'm going to need something to get through the next few months, let alone days. I got my mock exams on Monday which I want to get an A on...so much for coping.
Sigh. I wish I could handle things better than this. I find myself with two or more major things to do
- Choose my university and go to some open days
- Complete my assignment
- Prepare for Mock exams
- Get organised in general
...And I just start freaking out and I can't deal. This is not good.
Then I think about love. At the moment I'm not really fancying people. I'm not into those lovely dizzy crushes people seem to get, where you agonize over your desire, because things seem to become a lot more fun at those times. I also don't the chance to cut the rug at any lesbian clubs which would be a lot of fun and get me into contact with some...one. I'm just too busy to fall in love, which would usually mean someone fantastic would be coming into my life but it's not happening. So I'm in a very strange single position, but I'll figure it out. I wonder if anyone will get proposed to today...