Sussex is not as gay as I thought

Guess where I went on Wednesday?

I've got lots to tell you. I have left the misty, opaque smoke of coursework and major deadlines have passed once and for all and I am very happy at this moment. But first, Sussex.

They have campus tours each week and I finally managed to stop the panic procrasination and actually call them and arrange things and tell my Dad about it and make food (cereal bars) for the journey. I even organised a meeting with the Head of the History department and made sure we got on the right motorways - we didn't get lost, we were early and the tour answered all of my questions. It's a campus place with everything like laundrettes and 7 bars and the most amazing library I've ever seen (apart from the British Library. I've never been but if I did I'm sure I'd never come out.) Anyway this was FOUR STOREYS of library - all those books...yum! And a cinema! And a nightclub, but I suspect thats shitty because who wants to hang in the same place all the time?

Meeting the historian was cool because she told that because I'm taking single honours I can take on other courses like Politics and English and American studies which was birdsong to my ears. Afterwards me and Dad went to the pebble beach (with 100 Billion pebbles, some sad-ass counted) and had a good old bonding session throwing (not skipping) pebbles, watching surfers and guitarists with rainbow straps and photographers, thinking: it's so blue and so calm. You know, the wind changed as we got nearer - I haven't been to the sea in months and its good to look at something so never-ending and peaceful as if the future wasn't too bad...the future...I don't like the future. Especially the short term future - this whole university thing - people keep asking if I've chosen yet and I can't because I won't be able to satisfy anybody...not even myself.

It was probably at this point I realised Brighton wasn't as gay as I thought it was before. I saw a giant rainbow flag on the beachfront but that was it, and I liked that because being isn't my whole life even though I would like a girlfriend to have evening cuddles and do stupid cute indie things with...



And then today I finished my coursework in the morning. The moment it all printed, title page, appendixes, bibliographies and everything I knew it was all over and I was bloody ecstatic. I even picked a wild daffodil on the way to college. It was a good decision because I had cool conversations like:

"Hey Betty, can I borrow some water?"
"Sure- could you hold my daffodil for a moment?"
"No problem."

Or -

"Oh yes, you cutie daffodil-dilly you, with your yellow rays of petals and your trumpet-head, my aren't you scrumptious...*glares* what? I don't care if it's in the library, its my daffodil and it needs attention its wilting!" (Ok that was made up)

Most people were miserable especially my teacher because a couple of students never stop moaning about having to work and never understands a damn thing...she's lovely but annoying! And the day was so beautiful. Oh my god I could never tell you how beautiful I'd have to be silly and cliched: the sun was tangoing with the clouds on the first day of the year that actually looked like spring and the sun light moved in sheets not waves and moved across this spread of green grass and fields, moving and shifting so fast it was like an upbeat rock music video it was so beautiful.

So now, I'm back to business, making plans and giving in CVs (no one has replied. With this much abuse how can you expect worker satisfaction?) trying to get my Prozac (Flouxatine?) trying to work with my Dad, trying trying trying to fix this whole life of time while I've still got time and I'm not in anyway defined....as yet.