Let Me Explain

If I tried to tell you everything that has happened in the last two weeks my head will simply spin in astonishment in the huge contrasts my life is bearing down upon me. I'm afraid I'll have to use bullet points:

• Came out to Dad: after a long gorgeous storm that flooded my town, I told Dad and he has no problem with it. In fact, he says he already knew I was gay for three months. I feel like the stupidest person in the world for some reason, and it hasn't done anything I thought it would. It hasn't made me feel better, or more comfortable with Dad about this. And also the fact that Dad doesn't realise why I didn't tell him for ages because he's been homophobic and he didn't-still doesn't-realise how much that hurt me, how much it tore me from my own father. And he doesn't understand. And now, even when he knows I'm gay, I feel he understands me even less.
• I kissed my best friend. You see, she's in love with her boyfriend. And I'm not kidding, and I'm a cynic, and she is in love with her boyfriend. And I think I'm falling for her. I'm never sure. You see, we were just watching TV last Friday and we were cuddled up like we usually are when we're alone together and seriously, somehow, our faces shifted closer together, and our noses touched, and then I had to kiss her. She kissed me back. It was the most natural thing in the world. I felt as if I was floating and this wasn't my first snog and I had been kissing her forever. I remember the last thing she said: 'You know I'm not stringing you along, OK?' Really softly, right on my face. And now, I only want to kiss her again and it hurts and it sucks and I need to talk, analyse about this before I go crazy. Its the only thing I can think about. And she's talking about marrying this guy and having kids and how hard it is not to have sex with him (She's saving herself till marriage). She says its a way of expressing our love. Maybe it is, maybe thats all I will only see it as: My best friend, my soulmate-the person I am most comfortable, I have kisses with.

EDIT (6:54 pm) : Now, after a bit of analysing, I realised that the best thing for me to do right now is SHUT UP. I don't know why, but it didn't occur to me that because I'm the other woman, the 'aggressor', that I would lose my friends. I'm the lesbian here, and my best friend is the perfect, lovely angel who would never hurt anybody. I'm the only person who knows she is human. I'm not bitching, I'm just more angry with myself than anything else. So, either to shout out or shut it....

Also, I'm dog tired. I'm trying to watch the Olympics :D (Gymnastics is on tonight!!!!) and reading more slash (yeah baby!) and loving the