Wednesday, August 31, 2005


Today had turned out better than I expected. It was just supposed to be a re-enrollment at college and later on a "celebration dinner" with my LGB (lesbian, gay, bisexual) group. It was a hot sticky day and the bus was twenty minutes late yet I still managed to get there on time. As I was waiting (with my current book, Middlesex by Eugenides - for serious readers only) a guy passed me on his bicycle with a fully grown, live python worn round his neck. I think it touched me! All I could do was stare at him open-mouthed as he cruised past me down the road.

Anyway, re-enrollment was long, and I felt guiltily good about my results as students in front and behind me were talking about their E's while I had my 3 A's and my B. Re enrolling is basically re-confirming your place in college and finally registering what you're going to do - all very important when these will be your big subjects! Everything ended up going easily, I saw some of my brother's friends from his job which was random and I also recieved some good news. I'm going to do four full A levels, which I've heard is kinda like torture, but I can't bring myself to drop Classical Civilisation as it's going to be really interesting this year. The enrolling dude told me that if I wanted to I wouldn't have to work too hard. I could come to the class and follow-through, or something. Just to basically listen in. As long as my three A's in History, Politics and English I could get a U and wouldn't do anything to my Uni chances. I wasn't expecting it at all so I love it! I've always wanted to just sit in a class I enjoy without all that pressure.

Anyway, I bumped into my friend Andrew, who despite I still barely know has been one of my oldest steady friends. He's just spent this amazing summer working in Nice with this guy who paid for his dance lessons, riding jet skis to serve the rich, sharing a villa for 77 Euros a week. He said he would do it like a year ago and he actually did it, just raising my spirits like that, and he's dong Twilight photography this year. Sounds daunting but he's already done the work and he's going to ace it easily. He was so sad last year and now he's getting this beautiful new start.

I felt like re-starting too. Me and the LGB group went to Pizza Express and just socialised. I was talking to Girl Who Reminds Me of Ex and I felt I could easily just lean in and kiss her. Especially with chocolate in her mouth (we shared a chocolate sundae), but this is a very lesbian thing - you end up fancying all of your friends, but they don't fancy you that much. Or maybe thats me. Anyway, I felt I got something back all through the evening, and as we all parted and I kissed her - aimed for her cheeks but she got all surprised and I got her lips. Reminds me just having someone I can just kiss and not feel guilty about. But nothing's going to happen. She's just turned 15 and she has a girlfriend, and is in the closet and I don't want to go through that again, really.

Also, this guy there started talking about how innocent I looked. I couldn't protest much: I was wearing my dreamy turquoise top, with black lace "gloves" (there's just tights I just cut holes in - honestly! Next time I'll say I got them from Camden for a fiver) and my favourite skirt of all time: my yellow, airy long gypsy skirt with flowers and green stripes and I haven't seen anyone else wear it either, so it feels like mine mine mine. I don't think I'm innocent at all. He said there was something of the Religious in me (dear god!), but've had that said about me, that I'm strangely calming, that something sort of...oh, spiritual comes out of me, but I don't experience that at all! I wish I could, cos I could really do with it. Hell, I got him to call me Miss Jesus so the day hasn't gone to waste, hehe.

Afterwards, I pledged to see Matt again on Friday, I've got a picnic tomorrow, then a family thing on Saturday and I'm finally seeing Charlie and the Chocolate factory on Monday. College starts Friday. Oh, and I told one of my college friends about my cutting problem. She then promptly told me that she just couldn't see it in me and is going to do some spells for me to relieve depression. I am truly touched.

So, less pressure (so far), extra socialising (when I went to college I hadn't even gone out with my friends for three months. I just couldn't do it.), supportive friends (at last) and no matter how things will go, I'm destined for university somehow (I'm dying to start up my own business - you know that!). I really feel I can move on, maybe even change a little. Just to prepare myself for a new start next year, perhaps.

1 comment:

Ria Q. Undead said...

I love much....I'm sorry if it's not enough.
If it's any consellation, I have the grossest legs in the world. Seriously.
Sorry I can't be with you today.
Should be walking soon though.
Have fun today.
Love you
Ria (Moonlit Queen of The Undead)