Wednesday, October 12, 2005

SoSo Tired



Yawn....


As may have guessed, I'm not sleeping very well. Over the summer I found it impossible to drift off before 2 am. Now I'm pushing 3 am, and waking at half 6. This has to stop! I can't relax. I've tried half-remembered yoga practices, a dizzying range of music, copious amounts of water, calling Samaritans and actually talking about my feelings, which I can't pull out of the hat when I'm trying to speak to people I know. Last night, I'm afraid I cut - I actually had a close call on wrist - for a second I thought I went too deep. I don't want to cut again, but I feel as if I'm being punished for not doing it - the bad sleep, the bad luck. Today I was actually on time for the first time since I've started college this year, I could sleep well and I was very on form, very witty. I missed it, but I wish I didn't have to cut to get there. So tonight I've had three units of Brandy (I hate the stuff, it's foul.) and since I've finished my fourth Murakami, A Wild Sheep Chase (not his best but full of inspiration and ideas. And, it's very very very funny.) I'm going to start my third Sarah Waters book, Affinity. It's not a thriller so I could just put it down when I feel tired. It's like 11pm now, so I'd better go and get my sleep on. Sorry for the Ghetto-ics. Later.

1 comment:

CarpeDM said...

Stupid bloglines is not telling me when you update. That is so very annoying.

Look, it is a hippo! I like hippos. They are grey. My hippo is brown and stuffed.

I'm sorry you're not sleeping, that sucks.