Hel-ooo!

I'm sorrry! Haven't posted! Don't know why!

Well, I sorta do. I've been suffering from blog-performance anxiety and writer's block for the last couple and I just don't feel as if anything I do is up to standard, like so many parts of my life and if I can't write I can't do anything, so its like that.

Well, was. I still have horrid writer's block and all that, but I'm not beating myself over it. It's January, what can I say? The gears are shed (as the tinsel falls away) and you get new ones (Valentines Day puts everyone into a higher gear) and the rest of the year 'happens'. Basically I couldn't cope with the fact I had nothing to do, no one to look up to and the staggering amount of strange analogies I use...

So, last weekend on the erm, 6th Jan perhaps I was shopping around in Ealing Broadway, which was weird for me because I never shop and if I do it's for books and CDs and I had plenty of those. I've also grown this dislike for spending money for some reason, I get weird even when I'm buying sale items. Not that day. I bought my bargain of the year - a £60 white, fake woolly-collared coat gone down to £15! That's 75% off! Later on, I went to Boots, just wondering if I should start a beauty regime of sorts when I ended up next to the razor section. All these razors, ready to use. I've been reading into too many self-harming competitions. It's become a sick competition of how deep you can cut, how often, AAS (attempted attempted suicide) that crap. It's gets into your mind, it's poison...

So yes, I was considering the cheapest, but sharpest razors (cos everyone else on the net - who I encounter - use those) I caught myself in my thinkstream ( - Okay, I'll get the gilette razor, but then it says I have to say so at the counter...oh god what if they ask to see my arms, what if they ask if I was on anti-depressants, I'd never be able to step into Boots again - ) shook myself and strode into the marketplace.

I was feeling really down and embarrassed of myself for being so silly. Then I saw these gorgeous silver looking things. The lady got all interested and started to show all sorts of pendants and such. Sunshapes, and flowers and crosses. Then she chose this silver sun shaped shaped thing with straight lines coming out of it and an amethyst in the circle. I tried it on and I was inspired. I was going to collect pendants! It just seemed like a good idea, and I think it'll hold out. New start: new gorgeous pendant. Everytime. And to top it off, I had a hot homemade shop waffle in chocolate sauce. It tasted pretty damn good...

The rest of the week has been in preparation for the rest of the month:

** I'm doing another teaching session for the same kids I taught the basics of journalism to last Autumn. This time: How to use a camera etc. But I don't actually know how.

** Coursework x 4. I'm doing a short story for English. I must be really stupid.

** Seeing Alice again on Sunday. I don't care what Dad says. It's been three weeks - I need to see her!

** And writing scripts. It's going sorta Ok.

Thats all for now. My bro is hassling to use the computer so I gotta go. A bout of PMT created a massive row on Tuesday but we're cool again...