Can't speak. I can't wait for the day when Ria comes down to my house with the men in white coats, and I follow her, dumbly, with lidded mad eyes, to the madhouse for the rest of my days. Cos then, me, as I am would have disappeared and I would be absolutely truly worthless.
These moods sneak in and out. I've been heavily crazily depressed. Madly busy, eating more than I should cos I'm not feeling good about myself. I don't feel like Betty Browne. I feel like someone different entirely. Well, considering I didn't really know who I was then, its not the greatest loss, but I wouldn't mind understanding what I'm leaving behind. I want to know what I'm getting into.
I'm getting all crazy into fanfiction. I've had a girlfriend for nearly six weeks and it feels like she's never there cos she can't be and long-distance relationships are so damn hard. I'm on RYL so much its so so strange. I keep punching, bruising myself, but the swelling has gone down and no one has noticed. I am no longer an outsider. Instead, I am exclusively involved in several universes, and each of these have not much of a clue of my other worlds.
And last year? Well, my horoscope said that someone was going to treat me like shit and I was/should ditch them, and I was going to find my knight in shining armour who would walk over broken glass to make me happy; it talked about important people listening to me; talked about my Big Break. Its all true. But I don't know has destroyed me, who I've chucked when I should have clung on, who I've stuck to when they would only lead me self-murder. And who loves me, did I realise that someone loves me, because I don't think I ever have. Because I've being attacked and praised, by myself and others, many of them who I cannot remember. I've made new friends and amends to change a life that was already changing. Will my universes collide in the year 2005? I'm not sure. I have to stop procrasinating first.