Done my work. Depressed...its the depression after the rush. Of the last three weeks. I really don't feel good and I've just found a bottle of Meltus cough syrup...no one would notice...should I even post this? I'm just giving people misery. Well, I made a promise, and a calculation.
If I keep living until I'm 25, the promise Lioness sees in me for whatever reason will blossom for I would have escaped adolescence, and I could see myself living for another sixty years. I'm 16, so thats nine years of torture. Fuck. But, I made a promise to the people I trust that I will not kill myself. I don't break my promises...
PS: And all my readers, you are not fools. Of course not. You are wonderful beings. I'm just tired and teary, and this stage, this state has not waned. People are looking at me more weirdly then when I got 76% in my AS History Mock...
About Me
- Serialangel
- London/Manchester, England, United Kingdom
- I AM 18 I am black, atheist, depressed and erm, lesbianic with an inherent fear of boredom. I can do anything, right? I know that I'm smart, funny, "pretty", a calming influence. Yet I'm full of so many fuck-ups its hard to believe that sometimes. I'm a true bibliophile, :) My feelings on the future changes every day - fear, w00tness, confusion, blank Sometimes I'm in recovery, sometimes I'm actively trying to destroy myself and no one can stop me... My life is just one long story, like everyone else's. I live with my Dad and my brother, but I'm rainy strange old Manchester where, just maybe, my real life will begin. Oh, and I'm gifted. Apparently. I don't know. That doesn't sit well with me. Read this blog and find out why.
1 comment:
Sweetie, it gets better before that but it does depend on you, meaning, we are our own salvation. You need to do whatever it takes - WHATEVER IT TAKES -, whatever is good, to fight that depression and related problems. Because this way, you're cheating on your promise. We want you to live and have a good life, not go on living and hurting yourself. There are many ways of commiting suicide and not all of them result in immediate death. Some go on for decades.
For some reason, you need to punish yourself. I'll not even ho there bcs that's not for me to tackle. But think abt this: NOW is the time to be selfish,adulthood brings more responsibilities. And you give a lot to others already - now, when people do it, they do it also bcs it feels good. There is nothing that is genuinely selfless. Just enjoy narcisism fro a while, life will sort it out later. Not even nuns are on half a sandwich a day anymore!
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