My Crappy Valentine - THE 100th Post (w00t!)

I should have known. I am not the type of girl who loves and is loved in return. Just another lesson I'm not gonna learn. Being dumped, albeit when you're still friends with the person does that to you.

However, as a lesbian I got asked out onto a date by an unassuming straight guy who's a whizz on a piano, and appreciates my 'intelligence' I thought I'd be polite, and what had I to lose? Since I don't fancy him, and he wouldn't dare fancy me, it could a be lame-out and out V. Date which I could laugh about later. No such thing. I think I was too prepared. I had bought new clothes (not for the occasion), had a shower, looked decent for once, and spent £1 of my credit arranging things, I thought I was set, but I knew - from my incessant tough luck and general giddiness - that things would go wrong. How right was I? I was to meet him at Clapham Junction, platform 5 - a 90 minute journey for me - when an hour into my journey at Richmond, he gave me a call saying he was going to have to cancel. He wouldn't even try and give an excuse, just that "something's come up" - the potion wore off. He liked my dizzy wit in history, my love for jazz music, but really a date? He may have thought I was straight (I don't mention it...) but to fancy me was just...bent. Wrong. I'm just not sexy.

So, after an upset two mintutes at the station (I was going to be early! I had money! It was going so well...gah). I decided, fuck it I'll see Closer instead of Ocean's Twelve. I decided to go via the high street, as it was quicker by bus, but I got seduced by the shops. Richmond high street is one of my favourite high streets. I can't afford most of the things on there, but it's great to browse because all of the shop workers aren't much older than me and don't mind my browsing. Firstly, I bought a bag of Tesco's finest chunky choc-chip cookies, deciding to save them for later (on the 65 bus) then bought my copy of Diva after failing to find an adequate date book thing for all of my functions and my incessant busy-ness.

Went to HMV and pissed off the workers by checking out the listening post, for I am once again head over heels with Feeder, fabby fabby British rock band (if you're new to them, check out songs like Just a Day, Come Back Around, 7 Days in the Sun). Why have they not reached icon status? They are way better than Stereophonics, more interesting than The Manic Street Preachers, chattier than Muse, and on par with Blur. I mean...whats going on? Aargh, I'm trying to find they're site - I typed in feeder.co.uk and I found a fetish feeder site - people who want to get so fat they can't walk, and feedees who get really excited when it happens. Sexy stuff. Okay their real site is www.feederweb.com and it' really pretty. Please check them out. Anyway, my Richmond day: after listening to Feeder I found this guy, it was like Darkness and the Chemical Brothers, in a mad sex orgy, on crap. It was beautiful, mad, perfect. But I couldn't find the guy's CD. Now I have no idea who he is, it's very disheartening. How on earth am I going to find a band with the description of "The Darkness on crack" - there a quite of bands like that in fact, and I know the names of none of them. Bloc Party have also released their new album. The single "Here we Are" is more and more poignant: its kinda my 'I've-been-fucked-around-again-song-...-...-fabbyness(!).' song.

After HMV, I spent nearly an hour in a three storey Waterstone store. Heavenly. I worked my way up, getting all excited at the haphazard piles of books, fresh and waiting to be sniffed, lusted, adored. There are the whores of the marketing world. And the building itself looked gorgeous and old and unseemly. I also found a photography books (one aim in my paper diary is to buy a photobook) with one about beautiful boys by Germaine Greer. I was loving it - (Now PLAYING: The Killers: All These Things I've Done. Perfect.), all of these beautiful boys, a sexually active + saucy cupid. Academic "ab"normal activity.

I was content to spend much of my V. day there, but I wanted to go home. So I'm home. The Killers is playing, I've got two Valentines (from Al and Nik - but Hallmark has decided to stop working on Valentines' Day, for planned engineering works. It's like the tibe, bloody hell.) Been reading about Sarah Waters, and I really should be doing my numerous homeworks which I think I'll be failing, sigh, or doing hair that really needs doing. But it's my crappy Valentine day. Hmph. More cookies. I felt full of only eating two (4 large cookies.) - where has my stomach gone?

I'll leave you with The Killer's: All the Things I Have Done.

When there's nowhere else to run
Is there room for one more sun
One more sun
If you can hold on
If you can hold on, hold on

I wanna stand up,
I wanna let go
You know, you know - no you don't, you don't
I wanna shine on, in the hearts of men
I want a meaning from the back of my broken hand
Another head aches, another heart breaks
I'm so much older than I can take
And my affection,
well it comes and goes
I need direction to perfection, no no no no

Help me out -
YeahYou know you got to help me out -
YeahOh, don't you put me on the back burner
You know you got to help me out - Yeah

And when there's nowhere else to run
Is there room for one more sun
These changes ain't changing me
The cold-hearted boy I used to be

Yeah
You know you got to help me out -
Yeah
Oh don't you put me on the back burner
You know you got to help me out -
Yeah
You're gonna bring yourself down -
Yeah
You're gonna bring yourself down -
Yeah
You're gonna bring yourself down

I got soul, but I'm not a soldier
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier

Yeah
You know you got to help me out -
Yeah
Oh don't you put me on the back burner
You know you got to help me out -
Yeah
You're gonna bring yourself down -
Yeah
You're gonna bring yourself down -
Yeah
Oh don't you put me on the back burner
You're gonna bring yourself down -
Yeah
You're gonna bring yourself down

Over and in, last call for sin
While everyone's lost, the battle is won
With all these things that I've done
All these things that I've done
All these things that I've done
If you can hold on
If you can hold on