I realise that I used to be a binger. I mean I knew, but I didn't realise it was an illness. How is a child supposed to know that hiding hordes of food from your family is bad? And of course, now that I'm simply not a binger anymore there's the whole past fucking up the future sort of thing, of course. I'm ready. During my stay in the motel I forget all of the sensible, lovely words Lioness, Nik and Ria had given me, and simply reading them over has made such a difference - and its given me an idea. A support box. Putting all of your friends supportive muses, cool pictures, well written blog entries etc. into some file/box to look at during my Motel stay. I forget I'm supposed to go there sometimes, you know, it creeps up on ya. And it sooo dull there. People think depression gets you all...creative and magical, it does not. It sucks up your creativity to give you new excuses for staying in your Motel - maybe you wanna watch some porn channels, or go for a dip in the rat infested pool, or one more night with a vibrating bed for all of the good reasons.
Anyway, I'm typing now simply because I've just eaten and there's no one to stop me purging. Bugger. Have you ever felt yourself digesting food, felt it sink into your gut? It's horrible...so now I'm just trying to distract myself. Hey! I've got the internet. Piece. of. Cake. I could...
- Paint my nails
- Take up photography
- Get busy with my happy! box
- Keep blogging
- Read funny slash (eg: All's Fair)
- Read poetry
- Watch TV
- Call friends
- Lark around
- Refuse, plainly, to have a mid-teenage-life crisis.
- Swear. Bugger.
Oh, me. I was watching TV all day today. Everything on Daytime TV seem so tired with itself. I was watching this show called Extreme Makeover: Home Stylee' (or something like that) and this guy kept shouting to cover up this empty show where they have to tear down the entire house just to drum up interest. When did society get so tired, hardwired on itself? It's gotta stop. I just wish there was a way to give the world a well needed kick up the butt without killing anybody.