Its July Already!

That means I've been living free for a week and two days. I should be bloody pleased, specially after my fab chicken sandwich (paprika butter-ok, on chicken-sesame oil, cumin powder-freshly grounded and black pepper-add cheese= divine!). But I'm bored. I'm officially a hopeful teenager looking for work. Anythig half-assed will do. So far I've applied to be a junior in a hairdressers-I think it'll be quite fun, just washing hair and sweeping up all day, surrounded by people and strangers and an atmosphere-better than an office job any day, so I hope I get it.

Todays boring, lol. Yesterday was a bust. I was supposed to go to my first ever Pride! parade and then go to Childrens Express to flesh out this story I'm doing. It was going to be such a busy day and such a brilliant lie.

Firstly, Dad wouldn't let me out of the house...he said I couldn't go out until I told him the truth, and that would involve a spectacular coming out. My Dad has been annoyingly ambiguous, comparing gays and paedophiles to saying that people who rap 'Burn All the Gays(Chi Chi men)' weren't proper Christians-then again, he'd been loving another 'Burn All the Gays' song but he was ranting about this one because they called themselves Catholics. Even so, any coming out would take time, and I didn't have any, so fuming, I went upstairs and broke the news to poor Alice, who had to go on her own and had a crap time...

Then, I did nothing until Dad drove me down to Childrens Express. That, was a bust too-neither of my partners were there so in the end I had to just read some pages on HIV on the internet and research, which I could have done at home, and yes, I hated that day...every time the news mentioned the Pride festival I felt so annoyed and wistful because I wasn't outraged enough to shout at Dad. Maybe I knew he just wasn't worth it. I even made a poster- it had 'THE UNITED QUEENDOM' and on the bottom it had 'HOMOSEXUALITY: FABULOUS SINCE THE DAWN OF TIME AND ETERNITY'. I had to wake up at 8 in the morning just to get done properly.

Then last night, I had some sort of panic attack. I couldn't breathe and I felt as if I was going out of my skin, it was horrible. so I had to redress the balance, and I'm not proud of what I did, but I felt desperate and I wanted to avoid cutting. I've been without for 1month, and three days and I'm happyish about it, Ria says she's proud of me. That matters-we hanged out on Friday, and she chose some poems to use at the Pink Picnic.

Actually, the funniest thing happened on Friday. Me and Ria were doing her paper round before her mum gets home and kills her, and I was bending over to pick up some papers, when some old lady came up to me. She said 'Oh, hello darling. Just to say you better avoid bending over like that, you see' I thought she was going to then say something about backache but she then said 'you see, when you bend over like, its almost too tempting to (cue spanking motion)." Imagine my shock at a 84 year old woman hitting on me. Ria didn't realise and was worried about the perfect 'O' on my face until I told, and we had to hold our hysterics till she went round the corner. I'm never ever, bending over again, lest I get spanked by some randy old woman.