At college, my favourite subject so far has been 19th Century History, especially 19th Century Women, which is our coursework piece and so I feel very assured it will be epic...
It's just that life is so different its almost scary. At the beginning of the 1800's, some men believed women didn't have a soul...you could (illegally) sell your wife, beat her with a stick as long as it wasn't thicker than your thumb. Husbands owned their wives, as a quote once said: "My wife and I are one, and I am he."Classic.
Anyway, it's stirred up my feminist fire again. I was feminist to the point of sexist towards guys, then I got some sense back. I'm making all sorts of Richmond now. There's this girl called Alice in there with perfect red hair and cheekbones I'm secretly in love with, a Brazilian guy named Ickarus who has the title of 'Coolest guy in RUTC', Clare my Clare Bosworth lookalike fabbygirl and Richard who I've really clicked with. I'm making progress there, definitely.
For one thing I'm helping myself. I went to my first counselling session yesterday. The lady was nice and we just outlined stuff. She said things I was thinking she would say: that I was at risk, and that I should see a GP for treatment for the depression, and that I had strange contrasts in my life: my (relatively) healthy diet, good grades, settling in well thing yet I got the cutting. She even suggested a residential thing, which obviously can't happen for my parents not to know. But it was nice to get started again.
Then I had to see the nurse, because NHS direct called her about my overdose and she's been looking for me since. Turns out she was born in my home town too so I liked her immediately...she put some cream on my arm where the scars are because it was dry, and then put some bandage thing on (the sort of thing you put on sprained muscles) to help them heal cause I had cut for three nights in a row and it kept creating friction against my shirt and it was driving me mad. It also gives me license to wear it on hot days and say I bumped my arm. A genius move, as I'm going to this Greece trip in March(hopefully). I'm seeing her again. I'm going shopping tomorrow, going to Childrens Express, Parliament trip next week, poetry open mic night coming up...loads of homework (bah!)....I think I'm getting my life back.
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3 comments:
Hello! You seem nice, chicken
Look, this is going to sound extremely motherly, which is a little scary but I can't help it.
May I just ask what the hell your parents are doing? I would seriously hope that if my teenage daughter was cutting herself, I might have a clue as to what was going on. I realize they are split up and from what it sounds like, your mom has never really been around to pay much attention to you.
But, my God, are they blind? Granted, I remember what I was like as a teenager, moody, intense, prone to screaming a lot at my mom for no reason (and then you add drugs to your little mix of hormones and ooh, let the fun begin) and a lot of it can be blamed on puberty but not all of it. My mom had me into counseling so fast as a kid. I resented her for it but it made a difference.
It's nothing to be ashamed of, that you're seeing a counselor. It's a good healthy thing that will really help, hopefully. And, hey, if you ever need to talk to some complete stranger in Minnesota, I'm only an email away.
Yeah. Women's History is a powerful thing to read. It's amazing what happened when American women decided they wanted to vote, they were locked up, raped, beaten, put in insane asylums - and yet there are so many women today that don't use their right to vote. Or they vote the way their husband tells them to.
Okay. Political and mental health lecture over. I hope you have a nice day. I'm really glad you're enjoying college and making new friends. Very cool.
DM said it all. Happy you're getting your life back!
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