I haven't posted for a few days, but I've had six exams this week and I'm exhausted. Plus, I've got to rest and limber up for Sunday. I'm taking part in the Walk For Life charity stroll. I've raised £51 so far, which is pretty good, considering this is my first ever charity thing. Yesterday, after the last exam of the week (pretty uneventful, but I think I'm going to get an A* for Business Studies). Afterwards I kicked myself into action, refusing to go home and sleep and pestering all the teachers. The most I got was £6.40(£5 add giftaid) but I just annoyed them. Unfortunately, I don't remember all of their faces, but I will...Dad's happy with it and he's pledging £15, gonna get m brother, my two neighbours...then I'll be meeting up Alice and her friends and we'll be on our way...is anyone else doing it? If so, good luck on the day and congratulations! I heard Liberty X is performing, I wonder if thats true...
Right now my Dad is on the phone to Aunty Babs-her daughter died on the 16th-she was only 25 and Denise died of terminal breast cancer. It's so sad, but I'm scared I'll have to face her. I have no idea how to act...its scary how things just go out of control(not because I knew her-is that selfish?).
A few days before I sent one my two best guy mates, Ashley a long letter telling him about my breakdown and that I needed him. He's a slow reader, but he started reading a bit of it last night, and hes being really great. Better than I thought, because he doesn't really speak to me lately, and we've been too quiet together (we're both Geminis). I've been talking to other best guy mate, Nik. He's fantastic. He really is. He's genuine and funny and caring and sincere and interesting, and a normal guy which doesn't make the whole internet situation something to just shout about. You see, I've never seen him: we met on stories.com (now www.writing.com) and everything progressed from there. We had a nightmarish, brief attempt at being boyfriend and girlfriend. We're almost made for each other, but definitely not like that! I used to call him, but hes not the best speaker so we use msn, but mines not working so we have to rely on email. He's still convinced that Enlgand have a chance at winning the Euro Cup(?) and predictably treats Rooney in high esteem cos of his two goals.... he's cool.
I feel nervous. Why? Because Ihaven't told Dad that the charity treats people with HIV/AIDS and that the walk is in Central London. He used to think AIDs was a gay disease and I don't know if hes changed his mind. Aussi, he doesn't like me going into Central London-he has a sexist view of women with maps...I'm going whether he likes he or not. This is something I have to do-its probably one of the most selfless things I've ever done-after all, there's no such as a completely selfless deed.
Finally, I might be on the 'bill' for the Pink Parade. There's an event in Cambridge on the 28th August where young gay people will be performing poetry, songs, scripts etc, to prove how fabulous we are! It'll be the first time - ever! - that I will be performing any works of mine in public. So I'll definitely keep you posted with that...I found a site for it: So thats a date.
Write up, later. And please, please, please times a million, if you are reading this, comment! I feel like I'm on a virtual reality island...
www.walkforlife.com -that is the Walk For Life site-I can't get my hyperlink to behave.
www.pinkpicnic.co.uk
That is the link for the pink picnic, but I can't get that to behave either...I like to work though...sometimes.
About Me
- Serialangel
- London/Manchester, England, United Kingdom
- I AM 18 I am black, atheist, depressed and erm, lesbianic with an inherent fear of boredom. I can do anything, right? I know that I'm smart, funny, "pretty", a calming influence. Yet I'm full of so many fuck-ups its hard to believe that sometimes. I'm a true bibliophile, :) My feelings on the future changes every day - fear, w00tness, confusion, blank Sometimes I'm in recovery, sometimes I'm actively trying to destroy myself and no one can stop me... My life is just one long story, like everyone else's. I live with my Dad and my brother, but I'm rainy strange old Manchester where, just maybe, my real life will begin. Oh, and I'm gifted. Apparently. I don't know. That doesn't sit well with me. Read this blog and find out why.
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I just wanted to let you know that reading your blog was like being 16 all over again, the misery and indecision that I went through as well. I tried to kill myself approximately 7 times and was fascinated with power lines (used to think about just reaching out and it would all be over). And I wrote the most depressing poetry ever.
All I can tell you is that it does get better, eventually. As to your thought that no one would miss you after a few months, I knew a boy who killed himself our senior year in high school and I still think of him. And I'm still blaming myself for not getting to know him better and not understanding what was going on in his head.
Talk to someone, don't let this continue to bottle up inside of you. Good luck.
If you are looking to add a link to someone else's blog on your side panel, it is pretty simple.
Go to the help on your dashboard. On the right, it will show Most popular. Click on the more button. It will expand the topics of the most popular and will show Number 14, how can I edit my links? Click on that. It took me a little while to figure out but if you follow the instructions, it should walk you through exactly what to do to add someone's blog to your side panel. If you still need help, send me the invitation again (invites me to actually join your blog, post and make changes so I'm not sure that's what you want to do) and I'll help you out.
Hope things are a little better. I'll be checking back often.
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